Let's get HYPER!
by KittyScarlet
Summary: Basicly, what happens when a hyper/random girl wonders what happens when the charaters of Twilgiht get hyper. don't ask, very random.
1. Bella: Hurting Tonuges and Nicknames

Ok, we all know how random I like to be so, I'm writing this

**Ok, we all know how random I like to be so, I'm writing this. Teehee!! Just a bunch of random short stories set before BD but before Eclipse, don't expect quick updates, I only write when I'm bored. **

**Declaimer: Meh no own Twilight… **

**BPOV**

"Edward," I say, we are sitting in the living room of his house, on the coach right now.

"Yes, love?"

"Ma, tunge horts," Ok, I'm faking the voice but I can't help it, I'm freaking hyper! Damn Alice and Emmett for tempting me with energy drinks, my mom never let me have them before, maybe this is why...

"Why does your tongue hurt, love?"

"Why do you put 'love' at the end of ever sentence?"

"I've only put it at the end of two sentences; dear and I say it because I love you, why do you not like it?"

"No I like it. Why do you talk like that?"

"Whatever do you mean, dearest?"

"Like that, all posh like!"

"You mean proper English? Well, because in my time everyone used proper English."

"Oh, ok. Umm, Eddie-kinz, can I ask joo a question?"

"Uh, sure but please refrain from calling me 'Eddie-kinz."

"But I like calling you Eddie-kinz," and queue the pouty face, "And can joo pwease use present-day English?"

"I'll try to talk like those born in your time, but I make no promises."

I gasp, "You won't promise you'll love me forever?"

"I will promise you that."

"Ok... can I call you Eddie-kinz?"

"No."

I sniff, make my eye go big and pout "Pweeease, Edward, I'll wvu joo forever and ever!"

He sighs, teehee, he's caving! OMC! I can't believe it, it's this easy to get him to let me call him the stupidest nickname ever, but I have to marry him to become a vampire, so not cool.

"If you must…"

"YAY!!" I hug him and he smiles.

"Didn't your tongue hurt, _babe_?" Haha, he's trying to talk all American like!

"Yes, I did."

"How did you manage that?"

"Talking too much, I bit it by the way."

He laughs and says "Silly Bella," then kisses me on the cheek.

"I wvu joo, Eddie-kinz!"

"I 'wuv joo' too, Bella."

**Random, stupid and short this story has it all!! Not really, it's not very good is it?**

**Oh well, review if you have something to say about it. **


	2. Edward: ¿qué?

Ok, so I wanted to know what Edward is like

**Ok, so I wanted to know what Edward is like… hyper!! Oh and the translations are at the bottom, also people thoughts look like **_this, _**and have the first letter of the persons name before them so Jazz's thought would look like **_j-' this'_

**Disclaimer: do you really think I could write THAT well? And I don't own the Spice Girls either. And the whole 'Had to have it… what the buck? thing is off an awesome youtube show, go watch it its funny (well it is funny to me)**

**EPOV **

Does anyone know what happens to a vampire what the eat sugar? Hyperness, that's what happens. And, guess what my dear, dear family, or rather siblings, Mommy and Daddy had nothing to do with I say, NOTHING!! Anyway, they force-fed me sugar, three whole cubes! I know that doesn't seem like a lot at all, but to a vampire its like three boxes straight! Bella knows nothing of it so far seeing as they did it to me last night on our hunting trip. I think they want to get back at me for, framing Alice for shop-lifting, always feeling depressed around Jazz, never letting Rosalie win a fight, and braking Emmett's Spice Girls CD, hmmm that _was_ a couple years ago though… oh well it's still those guys fault. I think Bella's waking up now, ok, I can't let her know how hyper I am right now, deep breathe, I'm about to say 'good morning, love' but noooo instead I HAVE to say

"Top o' the Morin' to boy!" oooh, she's going to kill me.

"What?" she asks simple enough question, don't screw this up Edward! Oh great we're talking to ourselves now are we? We who's we? Never mind…

"Never mind, j-just never mind."

"Why are you stuttering Edward?"

"It is not because I'm hyper or anything, and it is most defiantly not Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett's fault I'm hyper, because I'm not hyper and even if I was hyper it would NOT be their fault." Damn.

"Umm, ok, I'll just, ya know, go now…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I mean please don't go, Bella," where does she want to go? I need to know! I had to have it… what that buck?

"Uh, Eddie-kinz, I need to go to the bathroom," Haha yeah, I knew that… (Pulls on collar) Wow, um, did anyone hear the joke about the guy who walked into a bar with a monkey? Me neither but your mom's fat!! Umm ok…

"Oh." Oh, btw I love that purse Shelly, where did you get it? WTF?? Anyway, my darling Bella is in the bathroom, and I'm planning on kidnapping her to take her to my house where a hyper Alice awaits MWHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!

"Edward, why are you laughing evilly?" oh dangit, I thought I was laughing in my head…

"No reason, like I said I'm _not _hyper in the least."

"Riiiight… What do you want to do today?"

"Lick pineapples," I answer immediately, what, I want to see what it's like, licking a pineapple that is. Bella is staring at me like I have to heads.

"Bella, why are you staring at me like I just told you I was a vampire or something?" oh wait I am a vampire...

"Edward you _are _a vampire and the reason I'm staring at you is because you want to _lick pineapples_, does that sound normal to you."

"_If_ I am a vampire then wouldn't abnormal things be normal for me?"

"Ok, why the hell are you so hyper Edward, your not supposed to be hyper, that's Alice and Emmett's job!"

"Well now, the reason I'm so hyper is Rose, Jazz, Ali and Emm force-fed me sugar, and sugar does things to vampires," I pause now sounding very dark, "terrible things."

She doesn't respond for a while so I go ahead and say "Today, we _will _go forth to the home where seven vamps reside, the home in which Sir Carlisle Cullen attempts to make said vamps feel loved, and arises with great success," she gives me a confused look, "Were going to gran- I mean _my _house." Jeez, can't I get out one sentence out without it being totally wacky?

"O…k.," how come she gives me weird looks and won't talk to me when I'm hyper? When she's hyper I treat her with respect do I not? Why does everyone hate me?! I start to dry-sob. Over-reactant much?!

"Edward? Are you…? What are you doing?" she thinks I'm crazy, and weird, even the love of my after-life doesn't understand me! I'm so alone!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

"I-I-I-I'm n-not cr-cr-cryingg!!" technically I'm _dry-sobbing _vamps can't cry.

"Edward, sweetie, why are you crying?" oh sure _now_ you be nice.

"E-everyone h-h-hates m-m-meh!!"

"I don't hate you!"

"Y-yes you d-do! Everyone d-does!"

"I love you Edward, not the opposite."

"Oh, ok," gee willickers, I'm stupid.

"Do you want to go to your house now?"

"Sí, me encantaría ir a mi casa ahora!"

"Ummm, I know sí is Spanish for yes so, I'm gonna take that as a yes."

"Se trata de un sí," I confirm.

"O….k."

As we are walking down the stairs I ask my love, "¿Quieres obtener el desayuno aquí, o ir a mi casa?"

"Edward, I'm sorry but I don't know Spanish."

"¿qué?"

"Edward," she groans.

"¿Qué he hecho ahora, el amor?"

"UGH! I haven't a clue what as to what you are saying… wow that was posh."

"¿qué?"

"Never mind, Edward, never mind!"

"Estoy perturbar de alguna manera usted?"

"Use English or I'm not talking to you," I think I might be upsetting her.

"Pero, ¿por qué? Es divertido hablar español," It's true, once Alice and I were in France and we spoke in Spanish whenever someone tried to talk to us, it was hilarious. Yeah, anyway since Bella won't talk to me the ride to my house is quite I tried to get a conversation going a couple of time she just groaned because I'm still talking _en español_.

When we get there I greet my family with, "È idioti, sono così iper non posso parlare anche inglese, miei cari fratelli e sorelle che pagherà!"

Alice, to my outburst, says "Calmati Edward, il suo esilarante quando il tuo iper, si dovrebbe ringraziare noi!"

"Oh, great, now Alice is talking some foreign language I don't understand too!"

"She told him to calm down and be grateful to us because we get great joy out of his hyperness, he should too" Jasper says to Bella.

"Non mi piace essere iper, non posso parlare anche di Bella, ti odio le persone non mi hai? Voi tutti mi odiano!" I say and start to dry-sob again, even know we play jokes, like getting each other hyper and ruining each others stuff, on each other all the time and I know they don't mean me any harm.

"He's accusing us of hating him because we know he doesn't like being hyper," Jazz explains to Bella.

"Noi non ti odio Edward, solo il tuo divertimento a raccogliere su!" Alice exclaims, I know she's right, overreacting is part of my being hyper.

"She says we don't hate him, we just like to bug him," Jasper is being a goody two-shoes

"Jasper, stop being such a prat," I say, in a British accent, to my annoying brother.

"Hey! I was just filling your girlfriend in on what your saying!"

"So? It's annoying, plus your not being very accurate, you twisted are words around," I'm still talking with a heavy British accent, it's easy to do because I've lived with my dear ol' daddy for so long.

"Talk about ungrateful!" he says, and then he starts cursing in Russian.

"I have a feeling I don't want to know what he's saying," My angel says.

"Probably not," Alice agrees.

"What was the language you guys were just using?"

"Italian, my dear," I say, still British.

"Stop talking like a Brit, you asshole," Jasper says, I'm shocked!

I gasp then say "You're a meaner!" and run up to my room at vampire speed. I can hear Jasper's laugh from downstairs.

"If I was a vampire right now…" Bella says threatening voice, to Jazz I imagine, then I hear her jog up the stairs and in a little while she's at my door.

"Hey," she says.

"Cheerio, mate!" I say cheerfully, she laughs I smile.

"Ya know, once I'm a vampire you'll have to teach my all the languages you know."

"That'll be fun…ny," she rolls her eyes but smiles. I hear Alice come up to my room, I wonda wot she could possibly wont. Oh joy, were talking weirdly in our head now are we?

"Guess what Bella?" she asks Bella. That was directed towards Bella, really? No, what gave you that idea?

"What?"

"I don't wanna go shopping!" Alice giggles then runs away. What a freaking weirdo.

"That's a first," Bella says, looking kinda shocked.

"Hmm, yeah, I wonder what she wants to do instead…"

"She wants to do something else?" Bella looks scared, and I have a feeling she should be.

"Yesh just wet my rwead her mind…" No wonder Bella likes to talk like this when she's hyper, its fun.

_A – ok, so all I need is a couple more things. Checkerboard, check. Blender, check. Uh, oh yeah! Hairdryer, check! MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!! _

"I don't think I want to know what Alice is up to…"

"Why? What does it involve?"

"Um, a checkerboard, blender and hairdryer," Now Bella looks very, very frightened.

Alice appears in my doorway once again, she has a purple box in her hands, and I don't want to know why. "Ok, come on you guys, were leaving. And don't try to argue Edward you agreed," why, why, why in hell did I agree to my physic, psycho, vampire sister? Oh yeah, I'm under the influence of sugah, hehe!

"OK!" I say cheerfully. Bella's looks at me, scared. "Kom igen, love, I won't let her hurt you,"

"She wants to hurt me?" She asks in a scared voice.

"No, of course not! But we have to leave or we'll be late," Alice says.

"Late for what??"

"I'll tell you on the way, kom igen you guys!" Alice says. Then she takes Bella's hand in one of hers and mine in her other hand, drags us down stairs, outside, to her Porsche, and throws us in. Throughout this even know I'm being kidnapped, I can't keep a smile off my face and I have no idea why!

**Ok the English/Spanish thing - English is like **_**this **_**Spanish is like ****this****, ok?**

"**Sí, me encantaría ir a mi casa ahora!" **_**"Yes, I would love to go home now!"**_

"**se trata de un sí." ** _**"It is a yes."**_

"**Quieres obtener el desayuno aquí, o ir a mi casa?" ** "_**Want to get breakfast here, or go to my house?"**_

"**¿qué?"** _**"what?"**_

**¿Qué he hecho ahora, el amor?** _** "What did I do now, love?"**_

"**Estoy perturbar de alguna manera usted?" ** "_**Am I upsetting you somehow"**_

"**Pero, ¿por qué? Es divertido hablar español"**_** "But, why? It's fun to talk Spanish."**_

**En español ** _**In Spanish **_

**And the Italian thing is the same, switch the Spanish and Italian. **

**  
****"****È idioti, sono così iper non posso parlare anche inglese, miei cari fratelli e sorelle che pagherà!"** _**You idiots, I'm so hyper I can't even talk English, my dear brothers and sisters you will pay!!"**_

"**Calmati Edward, il suo esilarante quando il tuo iper, si dovrebbe ringraziare noi" **_** "Calm down, Edward your hilarious when your hyper, you should thank us"**_

"**Non mi piace essere iper, non posso parlare anche di Bella, ti odio le persone non mi hai? Voi tutti mi odiano!"**_"__**I don't like being hyper, I can't even talk to Bella, you people hate me don't you? You all hate me!!"**_

"**Noi non ti odio Edward, solo il tuo divertimento a raccogliere su!"**_**"We don't hate you Edward, your just fun to pick on!"**_

**Oh and ****kom igen ****is German for **_**come on. **_

**Yeah, I kinda left it at a cliffy; I'll try to get back to it as soon as possible, ok?**


	3. B,E,A,Em: Diners and Basshunter!

TGIF

**TGIF!! Yeah anyway, if no one noticed, Bella takes Spanish classes so it's kinda dumb that she doesn't know what Edward's saying… I kinda did that on purpose btw. Ohh and Thanks to the people who reviewed! I wuv joo guys! **

**Disclaimer: I don own anything that isn't mine (ex Twilight, Hot 'N cold, Basshunter, Do you like Waffles? Etc!)**

**Lyrics are like **_this _

**BPOV**

"Where are we going, Alice?" I ask, irritated.

"The place," she replies, I just know she's smirking.

"What place, Alice?" Edward asks, Alice doesn't reply.

"Ohhhhh! is there any people who can speak a different language there?" he asks, what is he not going to tell me?

"Alice," I drag out her name in a whining voice. Damn, Rosalie is right, I do whine a lot.

"Yeah, some guy named Juan Pablo Fernandez. Most of the others call him J.P. though," she says to Edward ignoring me.

"Coool," Edward says.

"You guys," I may whine a lot, but I'll never whine as much as Alice.

"You'll see when we get there Bella," Alice says.

"I wanna know now."

"Well you can't know now."

"Why not."

"Because I said so."

"I don't care what you said I want to FREAKING KNOW!!" Yeah, I'm hyper.

"YOU. WILL. WAIT!!"

"Edward I'm hungry," Well that wasn't random or nothing.

"Gotcha covered, my dearest BFF, we are stopping at a little café I know of on the way," Alice says, hey weren't we just fighting like a _second _ago?

"Oh, cool."

When we get to the café Alice was talking about, I was really hungry. How far are we going anyway? We enter the café and a waitress shows up to a table.

"Ok, can a get ya'll something to drink?" she asks in a heavy southern accent.

"I'm fine, thank you," Edward says, super hyper but still courteous, my boyfriend err, fiancé I mean, is so sweet.

"I'll have some chocolate milk, please," Alice pipes up, funny; I didn't know vampires liked chocolate milk.

"Um, I'll have water, thanks," I say.

"I'll get that right for ya, ya'll," she winked at Edward, then walked away; grrrr how dare she wink at _my _fiancé?

"Hey you guys!" Emmett says, uh since when was he here?

"Emmett what are you doing here?" Alice asks.

"Sitting down," he says, and then he sits down.

A young man comes and gives Alice her chocolate milk and me my water, then asks us "Ok, so are you ready to order?"

"What would you recommend?" Alice asks, I think she's flirting with him.

"The waffles here are awesome, but it depends on what you like."

"Oh no," Edward says.

For some reason Alice and Emmett are smiling crazily now, I'm not sure I want to know why…

"Hey, Alice," Emmett says, and then he sings "_Do_ _you like waffles_?"

"_Yeah_ _I like waffles_!"

"_Do you like pancakes_?"

"_Yeah I like pancakes_!"

"_Do you like French toast_?"

"_Yeah I like French Toast_!"

Together they sing, "_Do-do-da-do can't wait ta get a mouthful_!!"

"I don't even know how Jazz and Rose can bear to be seen in public with you two," Edward says shaking his head.

"Haha, anyway, I'll have the chocolate pancakes," Alice says to the waiter, smiling.

"Ok, and for you?" he asks Edward.

"Nothing, thanks."

"You sure?" he doesn't give much time for Edward to reply before asking me, "and do you want anything?"

"Uhhh…" I haven't looked at the menu yet so I guess I'll have to settle for looking like a fool.

Edward looks at me then whispers in my ear "I'll order for you?"

"Sure," I manage to mumble into his ear, I'm so embarrassed right now but I know I shouldn't be.

"She wants French toast," Edward says, "She's suffers from chronic shyness," he says in a lower voice.

"Oh, ok, and is there anything you want sir?" he asks Emmett, Alice and I both start to laugh.

"Sure! I'll have _waffles_!"

"Sounds great,"

"Thanks!" Alice says then she waves at him, yep she is defiantly flirting with him.

"Cause, you hot that you're cold," Emmett sings.

"What are you singing?" I ask him, I've never heard that song before.

"Hot 'N Cold, some of the lyrics describe Edward _perfectly_."

"What ones?"

"Shut up Emmett, or I _will_ kill you."

"Oh, just the lyrics, you're hot and your cold, you're yes then your no, you're in then you're out…" He trailed off when he saw the look on Edward's face.

"I said shut up, Emmett."

"Shutting up," Emmett did shut up but Alice started to hum the song.

"Alice..." Edward starts.

"I'm not making any reference to you!"

"Fine. But one thing and I swear,"

"Do not swear Edward Cullen or by gorge, Mommy will know!" Alice cuts him off, Edward rolls his eyes at her.

Emmett is humming another song; I wonder what it is, but then again its Emmett probably something sexual or something.

Unfortunately curiosity gets the best of me, "Whatchya humming Emmett?"

"Angel in the Night by Basshunter. Why?"

"Just wondering…"

"_You are, my angel in the night_," I hear Emmett whisper.

"Now I'm humming All I ever Wanted by Basshunter. _All I ever wanted was to see you smiling_. I love Basshunter, I have a C.D. I made I can show you."

"What kind of music do they play?

"Techno, but a bunch of their songs are love songs."

"Mmhmm... What's your favourite?"

"Can't really chose, but I really love, I can Walk on water I can Fly and All I ever Wanted."

"Um, ok…"

"If you like techno you'll love Basshunter.

"I don't really listen to Basshunter."

"Oh, well after listening to these guys you will. I'll make sure of that," uh oh, Emmett had set his mind on something, that's never good.

The waiter, who's name is Rick, came with our orders on his plate; after we were done he went to get us the bill.

"I'll get it you guys, on one condition," Emmett says.

"What would that be?" Edward asks.

"I get to drive to _the place_."

"Damn it where is the mother-fudging place?!" I ask.

"You'll see," all three vampires say at once, which is kinda creepy.

"Ok Emm you can drive," Alice says.

"Sweet!"

"Am I the only one who thinks 'Emm' is a girlie nickname? And so is Jazz," I say.

"We know," the say together, that's really creepy now.

"I don't really care what people call me, and it really annoys Jasper when we call him that, which is why we also call him Jazzy Spazzy," Emmett says.

"We call Jasper, and everyone else, all _sorts_ of nicknames," Edward tells me.

"Do you call me names?"

"Hells ye-I mean no of course not…" Emmett trails off.

"He means, behind your and Edward's backs, yes," Alice tells me.

"Thanks you guys, you are so nice," I say my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Glad you appreciate it!" Emmett says, smiling, I roll my eyes at him.

The waiter comes with our bill and says, "Sorry it took me so long, are these together?"

"Sure!" Emmett says in a weird voice.

Emmett gave the money needed, and a nice tip, to Rick and we left.

**Yeah, I was going to put where they were going but I decided to leave joo guys hangin!! Oh and joo people should tots check out Basshunter, awesomest band ever!!**


	4. E,Em: Edward PMSing?

**Hehehe!! Ok in dis chapter joo vill find out where dey is going, ok? (Translation: In this chapter you will find out where they (Em, Alice, Bella and Edward) are going. And Emmett's thoughts to Edward are like **_this. _**Oh and please excuse Edward's language. **

**Declaimer: I totes own EVERYTHING!! except Twilight and Basshunter, **

**Chat speak words you may be confused with, I don't think you will need this but **

**Totes – totally **

**Tmr- tomorrow**

**R – Are**

**Iz – is**

**OMJ – Oh My Jonas (hahahahhahahahahahaha!!). **

**There might be some I forgot, if there is PM or put it in your review ok? **

EmPOV

"Bella iz tots sittin by meh," I say, speaking in chat speak, OMJ we r totes going on a chat thing tmr.

"Speak in chat-ness and die," Edward says to me.

"Why so serial?!"

"The hyperness is kinda wearing off," he says, well, we can fix **that**.

"No, Emmett, don't do it." _Too late!_ Edward starts to run slowly away from me, well slow for a VAMPIRE!! I chase after him.

"Alice, what's going on?" Bella asks my pixie sister.

"I don't know… oh, Emmett thinks Edward isn't hyper enough so he's going to force feed him more sugar."

"How long has Edward been hyper anyway?"

"About two and a half days, but he can control himself better then the rest of us so, we have to give him more."

"Oh."

"Who's gonna win?" I ask her.

"You, Edward Emmett is gonna win you might as well give up."

"Damn," Edward walks back to us, I hold out my hand with the sugar in it and Edward snatches it out of my hand, makes a face and eats it.

When we are FINALLY in the car, I got my way btw Bella is sitting in front, I pop in a CD Hot N Cold by Katy Perry comes on, Edward groans.

_What is it Ed? Don't like this song? _

"No Emmett, I don't bucking like this freaking song, you know that."

"Someone's PMSing…" I mutter, I would have thought it but I wanted to humiliate Edward even more.

"I love this song," Alice says; good ol, dependable Alice.

"This is the song you said fit Edward?" Bella asks.

"Yeppers!"

"Ok…."

"I have a bunch of Basshunter on here," I say to her. _So, where are we going Ed? _

"Stop calling me Ed please, Emmett."

"You are very bipolar you know that ED?"

"Stop it Emmett!!" he whines, "And my mood changes a lot when I'm hyper, I can't freaking help it!!" _Ya don't say! Where are we going EDWARD? _

"To hang out with old people. It was Esme's idea," Edward tells me quietly as Angel in the Night comes on, I freaking love this SONG!!

"Ooooo! Bella this is a song by Basshunter!! It's called Angel in the Night, member, the one I was singing?"

She listens to the first few lyrics, I sing along in a voice only my sibs can hear.

"Cool sounds…. Technoish."

"Totes."

"Stop. Saying. TOTES!" Edward says.

"Never."

Edward glares at me. _Totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, TOT-_

"SHUT THE FUDGE UP EMMETT!!"

"No." _totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes _and on and on I went.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!"

"Edward, Hun, Emmett isn't saying anything," Bella says, "Right Alice?"

"Not out loud, no," Alice answers her.

Edward is fuming, and I'm getting a kick out of it! I love being me.

"Hey Edward I thought you could block people, VAMPIRES rather, out," Alice points out.

"Oh yeah!"

"I could always talk out loud, you know," I pause then start to whisper "Totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes,"

"Buck off Emmett."

"Tots, tots, tots, tots, tots, tots," hehe this is uber fun.

"Seriously Em, stop."

"Totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes, totes," I'm getting louder now, and I think Edward is going to explode soon. "Totes, totes, totes, totes, totes."

"FUCK OFF EMMETT!!"

Alice gasps then takes out her cell phone, dials and says "Hello. Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?" I hear Esme ask.

"Edward said a curse word."

"Well, then, he is grounded when he gets home, tell him that please." Haha!! _Edward, you suck. _

Next thing I know, a piece of paper is in my lap, I pick it up and unfold it. It reads:

_I fucking hate your fucking guts! You are a fucking piece of shit, Emmett!_

_Love, Edward._

"Thems fighting words Edward!" I say out loud but in my head I say _well isn't that nice to know? _

"Shut up Emmett, before I kick to your-"

"So!" Bella cuts him off, "Are we almost there yet?"

"Where?" I ask.

"Where were going," she says confused.

"Oh, naw, I don't want to go there anymore, I'm driving us home," I kinda think Alice is gonna kill me for not going to the senior citizens place.

"Fine by me, I would have liked to go shopping instead though…" Alice says.

"OK!" Edward says smiling, creepily.

"But I want to know where we were going to go," Bella whines.

"We was gonna go hang wit old peoples at a senior citizens place," Edward says, _you won't let me talk in chat speak but you can talk like that?_

"Uhhh, yeah, cause I'm TOTES awesomer then you, duh!" _grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. _

"Are we alomst home yet?" Bella asks.

"Why do you want to get away from the crazy vampires? Well that ait't gonna happen," I say to her.

"Crap," she says.

"Anyway, we are almost home."

"Good."

_Akward silence._

"Sliences suck," Edward says

"I know!"

**yeah, i'm going to end the chapter right here! I bet ya wanna review right? right? c'mon just Review!! **


	5. what has Emmett done?

**I just had to do this, lol!! I might write a chapter on notes as well… ooh and this chpater has some curse word in it oks? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or Facebook bumper stickers or The Game... **

**Hopefully you get the chat speak used… **

**Screen names:**

**Bella – JustBiteMe **

**Edward – MyLifeisBella **

**Alice – ShoppingPsychic**

**Emmett – IlikeWaffles**

**Jasper – NotaEMO**

**Rosalie – BitchyBeauty **

**Esme – MommysHere**

**Carlisle – Vampire/Doctor**

**Seth – MansBestFriend**

**Jacob – RunawayDawg**

**Leah – TheUnclearWater**

**Sam – Alpha**

**Emily – DoggyMama**

**Quil – QDawg **

**(More/different screen names might be used later in the chapter!!)**

**JustBiteMe has signed in.**

**MyLifeisBella has signed in.**

**ShoppingPsychic has signed in. **

**IlikeWaffles has signed in. **

IlikeWaffles: HEYYA!!

JustBiteMe: wtf Emmett? Why are we on here?

MyLifeisBella: he promised himself yesterday that he would get us on here.

IlikeWaffles: why the hell are you people using propers gramer

JustBiteMe: im not!

ShoppingPsychic: i havn't even said a word yet! BTW HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, Bella nice name lol.

**NotaEMO had signed in **

JustBiteMe: thnx Alice!!

ShoppingPsychic: ur welcome! Hi Jazzy!!1

NotaEMO: Alice, Bella, Emmett, Edward

IlikeWaffles: JASSSSSSSSSSSPER WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT'S HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPENIN?

NotaEMO: nothing…

MyLifeisBella: Hello, Jasper.

**MansBestFriend has logged in. **

MyLifeisBella: I thought it said 'signed in'?! WTF?

NotaEMO: who are you?

JustBiteMe! ovbi 1 of da werewolfs! Duh Jazz

MansBestFriend: its Seth

MyLifeisBella: Hey Seth

**RunawayDawg is online**

MyLifeisBella: ok WTF? Why does it keep changing!?

RunawayDawg: o….k….. Hey bloodsuckers, Seth, Miss-Break-My-Freaking-Heart

JustBiteMe: Im sry Jake!!

RunawayDawg: w/e doesn't matter, i luv sum1 else now!

JustBiteMe: OMJ!! WHO?!

**TheUnclearWater has signed in **

MyLifeisBella: STOP CHANGING YOU MOTHER BUCKING SIGN ON THINGY!!

TheUnclearWater: … why did you tell me to log onto this thing Seth?

MansBestFriend: scientific reasons

TheUnclearWater: you are the dumbest person… hey Jacob, how are u todae?

RunawayDawg: wtf? Leah? im gd, how you doin?

TheUnclearWater: fine, fine. Aren't you supposed to be on patrol?

RunawayDawg: yeah, aren't you

TheUnclearWater: Supposed to be, is the key

ShoppingPsychic: nice rhyme

TheUnclearWater: uh ty…

ShoppingPsychic: ur welcome

TheUnclearWater: ok….

**Alpha has logged on **

MyLifeisBella: I swear if that thing changes ONE more time….

ShoppingPsychic: DON'T FUCKING SWEAR, EDWARD!!

MyLifeisBella: hypocrite! I'm totes telling mom on u

ShoppingPsychic: she wont believe u, cuz im a perfect little pixie and you're a hyper, gay, loser, piano player :P

MyLifeisBella: (sniff) You SUCK!! I HATE YOU!! NOBODY LIKES MEEH!!

JustBiteMe: was that necessary Alice?

ShoppingPsychic: wasn't meeh, Jazz was screwing around wit ma emotes.

MyLifeisBella: C!! Every1 hates meeh!! Guess what I hate u all too!!

JustBiteMe: even me, Eddiekinz?

Alpha: as amusing as this convo is I need my pack, Leah, Jacob, you are supposed to be on patrol right now.

MyLifeisBella: no, i don't hate you, I wuv u! but I hate ever1 else.

JustBiteMe: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…. I wuv joo to!!

RunawayDawg: im not going on patrol todae

TheUnclearWater: neither is i Sam.

Alpha: Seth you're on in about 5 minutes

MansBestFriend: NO WAY! If Jake and Leah don't have to im not going either

Alpha: you are going on patrol

MansBestFriend: no

Alpha: it wasn't a question Seth

TheUnclearWater: stop bossing around my little brother

Alpha: he is in my pack and has a responsibility to that pack; he needs to be on patrol

TheUnclearWater: he doesn't HAVE to, though, Seth, you really should listen to Sam

MansBestFriend: you are some hypocrite Leah.

TheUnclearWater: I know.

Alpha: you have 2 minutes, Seth, be in our usual spot.

MansBestFriend: IM NOT GOING.

Alpha: YES YOU ARE! You have no choice in the matter.

TheUnclearWater: Stop bossing him around!

Alpha: I can boss him around if I want to!

TheUnclearWater: do you want me to do something drastic Sam?

Alpha: is that a threat Leah?

TheUnclearWater: yes. And it isn't empty either

Alpha: Ya right.

TheUnclearWater: last chance Sam

Alpha: Seth, are you still on here? You need to go now or else you'll be late

MansBestFriend: can you read Sam? I'm not going

Alpha: SETH! DO I NEED TO DRAG YOU TO THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS OR WILL YOY LISTEN TO ME?

TheUnclearWater: THAT IS IT SAM! YOU WILL REGRET THIS DAE!!

**TheUnclearWater is offline **

MyLifeisBella: (twitching eye) stop (twitch) changing

**Alpha is gone loser, GONE!**

MyLifeisBella: I am going to kill this program, hey wait it never said **that** before...

ShoppingPsychic: does it really bother you THAT much?

RunawayDawg: apparently... Hey Seth, I wonder what Leah will do to Sam

JustBiteMe: she's going to do something? shes actually going to?

MansBestFriend: yes. ya no what i should do, just to be a jackass?

RunAwayDawg: what?

MansBestFriend: go patrol like im supposed to

ShoppingPsychic: .you

MansBestFriend: sure!

**MansBestFriend has singed off.**

**RunAwayDawg is offline **

MyLifeisBella: I CUSRE YOU, STUPID COMPUTER!!

NotaEMO: FAACCCCCCCCCCCEBOOOOOOOOKK!!

ShoppingPsychic: i abuse my best friend. True life

**BitchyBeauty is online**

MyLifeisBella: fuck my life

BitchyBeauty: Chocolate is not the answer. oh… wait maybe it is.

MyLifeisBella: hello I'm: creeper Mccreeperson.

BitchyBeauty: People say I have an attitude… I say Fuck em'

JustBiteMe: Edward, well apparently, I, like, IDK, love you, or something

NotaEMO: Alice, are your legs tired, cause you've been running through my mind all day long

IlikeWaffles: that was LAAAAAAME Jazzy! Somebody likes you, theyre probably retarded

MyLifeisBella: Oh hot F-- this is my puck

JustBiteMe: It's better being brunette, brunettes have Beauty and Brains!

IlikeWaffles: everything I say is either from a bumper sticker or should be made into one

JustBiteMe: 1 thing 2 do, 3 words 4 you, .you.

ShoppingPsychic: I know my boyfriend is cute…

BitchyBeauty: Let's dress like sluts together this Halloween!

ShoppingPsychic: always together, never apart, best friends forever, sisters at heart!

JustBiteMe: I'm not 'normal', and damn proud of it!

IlikeWaffles: hey rose, do you need directions? cuz, i can show you the way to my bedroom

BitchyBeauty: don't knock on deaths door, ring his doorbell then run like hell! He hates that

JustBiteMe: lets flip a coin, heads your mine, tails im yours

NotaEMO: no fudging way.

MyLifeisBella: a very wise man once said "I don't know, go ask a woman."

ShoppingPsychic: bestfreinds? Ha! More like SISTERS! 3 ily, Bella and Rose

JustBiteMe: I less then three you guys

IlikeWaffles: This calls for a sexy party!

NotaEMO: I win, you lose, the end

JustBiteMe: are we going to stop this soon?

IlikeWaffles: it's not over till the fat lady sings... oh sorry I didn't mean to involve you mom in this.

NotaEMO: slippery when wet

IlikeWaffles: that's what she said!

MyLifeisBella: accidents in the front seat can kill children; accidents is the backseats can cause children

ShoppingPsychic: I just thought about the game

NotaEMO: OMJ! We should totes play the game.

JustBiteMe: ok… start now!

IlikeWaffles: I lost

MyLifeisBella: damn it, I lost

NotaEMO: I lost

BitchyBeauty: wow all the guys' lo- fudge, I lost!!

JustBiteMe: oh hot dang this is my tang! BTW I lost.

MyLifeisBella: Alice always wins the game, but I'm surprised Emmett got out first normally he's second to Alice.

**IShotTheAlpha has logged in **

**RunawayDawg is online**

MyLifeisBella: .

IShotTheAlpha: hey you guys, wanna guess what I did to Sam?

JustBiteMe: do we even want to know?

IShotTheAlpha: probs not, well if you like Sam then you wont want to know

IlikeWaffles: I wanna know!!

BitchyBeauty: so do i!

**DoggyMama has signed in**

MyLifeisBella: ghtgfvrgttfgrgrrgyhbyhhbhbgbggbh bhbbh bb hb b nb nb n bb n ghgtgtgtgttgttgtfvgtfvgtfgtfvgtfv

ShoppingPsychic: wtf

JustBiteMe: hes banging his head on the keyboard

DoggyMama: Does anyone know where Sam is?

IShotTheAlpha: hehe, that's kinda a funny story haha… Jake you got the plane tickets?

RunawayDawg: yup. You ret ta go?

IShotTheAlpha: totes

DoggyMama: wait, Leah, what's with the screen name? Where are you going? WHAT DID YOU DO TO SAM??

IShotTheAlpha: kinda sorta… boundandgaggedhimcuzhepissedmeoffandbossedSetharoundBYE!! (Bound and gagged him, cuz he pissed me off and bossed Seth around, BYE)

**IShotTheAlpha is offline**

MyLifeisBella: well! Im off to Italy!

JustBiteMe: Eddiekinz… but our weeeediing!!

MyLifeisBella: you are srsly the only thing keeping me from boarding a plane to Italy right now

JustBiteMe: that would be super sweet if it was kinda suicidal

DoggyMama: ok, well I need to find my soul mate now…

**DoggyMama has signed off**

MyLifeisBella: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**MyLifeisBella has logged off. **

JustBiteMe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EDWARD, DON'T LEAVE MEEH!!

ShoppingPsychic: hes just smashing his computer, as you can probs c since ur right next to him,

**MansBestFriend has logged in**

**BellasVamp is online**

**QDawg has signed in**

JustBiteMe: Hey Quil! Hey Seth, are Jacob and Leah really running away together?

MansBestFriend: yeah, them and little EJB

BellasVamp: EJB?

JustBiteMe: who now?

MansBestFriend: Leah and Jakes unborn love child, Embry Jacob Black.

QDawg: oh, what am I chopped liver? Don't name their baby after me but they will name it after Embry!

MansBestFriend: dont worry Quil, they're gonna name their second boy William Quil

QDawg: William Quil, I like the sound of that, rolls off the tongue doesn't it?

RunawayDawg: Seth! How did you find out about EJB?!

MansBestFriend: Leah's diary, duh! I g2g, bye

**MansBestFriend is offline **

JustBiteMe: are you guys serious? Are you really gonna by a daddy Jacob?

RunawayDawg: maybeh…

JustBiteMe: what if the baby is a girl?

RunawayDawg: Emily Rachel Black. I personally think the baby IS a girl but Leah's thinks it's a boy and Leah is often right. Oh, I g2g our planes gonna board soon and Leah is getting annoyed at meh (im on my cell phones internet thingy BTW)

QDawg: ima miss you dude, email me!

RunawayDawg: ok, will do. Bye

**RunawayDawg has signed off**

**QDawg is offline.**

**IizgonnakillLeah has logged on. **

BellasVamp: i just died a little on the inside

IizgonnakillLeah: .LEAH??

JustBiteMe: wait is this Sam or Emily?

IizgonnakillLeah: Emily, i just found Sam, hes sleeping cuz he was tired after struggling with trying to get up of his little situation. Why?!

JustBiteMe: idk just wanted to know… Leah and Jake are on a plane to goodness knows where

BellasVamp: Leah, Jake and EJB or ERB.

IizgonnakillLeah: who are EJB and ERB?

BellasVamp: EJB and ERB are names for their unborn love child, EJB is Embry Jacob Black, and ERB is Emily Rachel Black.

IizgonnakillLeah: Awww, shes gonna name her child after me? How sweet! But she still hurt Sam…

**IizgonnakillLeah has logged of**.

JustBiteMe: are the others still here or did they just walk away from their computers?

ShoppingPsychic: Rose walked away and it signed her off but just didn't tell us. Jazz is right next to me his head in my shoulder, reading a book and Emmett is on Facebook.

JustBiteMe: oooooh… Edward, wanna know something that annoys the shit out of me?

BellasVamp: when the computer keeps changing from signed, to logged, to online and offline??

JustBiteMe: noooooooo, that every freaking thing is made it CHINA!! China might just be taking over the world; we should look into it after im changed

BellasVamp: ok, and your right EVERYTHING is made in China.

ShoppingPsychic: I wasn't made in China!

JustBiteMe: Edward, I wanna play a board game, will you play with me?

BellasVamp: of course, love

**BellasVamp has signed off**

**JustBiteMe is offline**

ShoppingPsychic: that's getting really old…

ShoppingPsychic: GASP! Im alllllll alone!!

ShoppingPsychic: im a loner!! No your not, you still have the voices inside your head!

ShoppingPsychic: oh yeah!! How you doin

ShoppingPsychic: pretty good, you

ShoppingPsychic: awesome! Oh durn I g2g see you later!!

ShoppingPsychic: BYES ILY!!

ShoppingPsychic: ooh ily to!

IlikeWaffles: … wtf Alice?

**ShoppingPsychic has Left the Building! Thank you very much. **

ILikeWaffles: oooooo….k. yeah… anyway…. Bye

**IlikeWaffles is gone bitchs!**

**Soes how'd you like the chapter? Leave a nice little review to tell me please**


	6. Carlisle doesnt know all :gasp:

**Hehe, I think Carlisle and Esme need to have a chapter cuz, they don't get much looove, from other people that is (giggle) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own, Twilight, the Sims 2, South Park or the qoute "Why so serious?" **

CPOV

Right now I am watching a medical TV show in the my room, I can hear Esme telling Edward off for cursing and ignoring the fact he was supposed to be grounded yesterday in Edward's room, Bella and Emmett fighting over the remote in the downstairs den, Rose calling Jasper a drunk in the kitchen, and Alice trashing Emmett's teddy bear collection in his room. And, as you may wonder, I am very aware my family is crazy.

Emmett is getting up, finally realising that Alice is destroying his property, and Bella is laughing manically and saying "YES, the remote is mine now, MINE!!!!!!" Sigh, someone gave her sugar again...

"Yes, Daddy they did!" Edward says, appearing at my door, _great they gave you sugar too, didn't they? _

"Yesh…" he pauses then laughs manically and runs away. It's one thing to have Emmett and Alice hyper all day but Edward gets **really** crazy when he's hyped up, especially if he isn't fighting it, thankfully today he is.

Jasper is threatening Rose with something, because she keeps teasing him. Bella is watching… South Park I think, and Emmett, with his teddy bears in tow is running down the stairs to watch it with her. Alice has moved on to destroying Edward's things; he isn't going to be happy about that. And Edward is playing The Sims 2, which is confusing to me because Edward hates that game.

"Carlisle, how do you spell your name, again?" Bella calls, why on Earth would she want to know **that**?

"Which name? Just regular Carlisle, fatherpire, the great medial vamp, Carlisle the creator, well the list goes on and on," Emmett says, they have made up so many names for me over the years its not funny anymore.

"Do you guys seriously call him those things?"

"WHY SO SERIOUS!?!!?!" Jasper, Edward and Alice yell at the same time.

"Why yes Bella, they do," I say as I leave my study to go downstairs. She laughs at this; I would as well, if I wasn't the one being called these ridiculous things.

"Fatherpire?" she giggles out.

"Yes," I answer her, my lips pursed, I really dislike that one.

"DADDY DEAREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Edward yells to me.

"Edward, you don't have to yell to me, I can hear you anywhere in the house," I remind him.

"It's funner to yell though," he says from behind me.

"Dad, I think Rose has mayonnaise," Jasper says.

"Does she really? Damn! I don't want her to have mayo, if she has mayo who knows how long tell she gets better?" Emmett says then gasps, "If she is contagious then, we can't have sex! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"I. DONT. HAVE. MAYO!" Rose screeches, and, by gorge, that girl can screech.

"How do you think I felt when Alice had mayo?" Jasper asks Emmett, acting as if Rosalie hadn't said anything.

"Uhh, whats mayo? Well I know what mayo is but I don't think **that's** what you guys are talking about…" Bella says.

"Mayonnaise is a very rare disease/illness type thingy only vampires can get..." Alice explains to Bella.

"Jasper said that you had it?"

"I did, it was not fun… at all."

"Yes, but it isn't actually called Mayonnaise, that is the name Emmett made up for it when Alice got sick, trying to cheer her up," I tell Bella.

"That didn't go over to well, the cheering up thingy," Edward says to her.

"Why?"

"Alice is a complete and total bitch when she's sick," Rosalie says, and I don't want to admit it but she's right.

"Oh."

"OK! Since that's out of the waayyyyy, let's watch South Park, Bella!" Emmett says.

"Hey, Jazz, lets play singstar!" Alice says, pulling jasper up the stairs.

"But singstar has crappy songs…" Jasper whines.

"Emmett made that other game that's like singstar except waaaay bettah, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember that thing!"

I sigh; I've got to get out of the house, so I say, "Esme! Will you please come here for a moment, dearest?"

"What is it, sweetie?" she asks me.

"Let's step out for a while," I suggest, I can tell she thinks its not the brightest idea, considering we're leaving five hyper vampires and a hyper human alone together, but I'm really stressed.

"Ok," she replies slowly.

"We are going out for a while you guys, ok?" I say a little louder, to get their attention.

"SHUUURE!!!" Emmett yells in a weird voice.

"Ok father, we will be on our best behaviour," Edward says.

"Let's, go hunny," Esme says to me, I reply with a nod.

We run in the forest for a while, we stop by a water fall. Esme sits down on a rock and pats the one next to her, I sit.

"What's on your mind sweetie?" she asks me, "Why are you so stressed?"

"Its just…" I trail off.

"Go on."

"I was watching a medial show earlier and, they had this case I couldn't figure out! It made me so frustrated, and I still don't know the answer."

"Your joking right?"

"No really, I didn't know how to save the guys life!"

"Not about that, but about that being the thing bugging you."

"What, I'm almost never wrong, let alone not able to find the answer."

She sighed and asked "Well, is that all?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Ok, lets g-ya know, as long as were out here and the kids can't hear us…" she trailed off, a devious smile turning up the corners of her beautiful lips.

My own smile was beginning to mirror hers as I say, "We might as well." I lean in to kiss her, but then, all of a sudden…

**Betchya wanna know what happens, right? Well, maybe if ya review I might feel better about myself and I will update sooner. :-) **


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